So, I made it through the first day. My memory of it is very dim and blurred like a photo in the first stages of development.
I know they wanted me to eat a little something, but I just choked on a little jello.
I was totally out-of-it.
Table of Contents
Painkiller Mistake
One enormous mistake I made on Day 1 was that I told them that I wanted to try and get by on minimal pain killers. I said this because several of my friends overdosed and died with painkillers.
That’s true. My two best friends are gone from this earth because of painkillers.
So, I felt (and still feel) a wave of negative emotion when the topic of painkillers arises. I understand that my thinking in this regard is somewhat distorted because of my personal circumstances. I understand that. It doesn’t matter. I’m a person. People are much less rational than many think.
But, my wish to forego the pain killers was an ENORMOUS MISTAKE. And, I paid for it…oh sweet Jesus did I ever pay for it! I overestimated my toughness! Believe me, this fusion surgery will show you exactly how tough you are NOT!
Don’t let the pain get ahead of you!
Listen: Do not let the pain get ahead of you! Once that pain gets ahead of you…you’re not putting it behind you! That’s what happened to me.
TAKE THE PAINKILLERS!
So, Day 2 I was in hell. I felt like someone threw me off the hospital roof and then ran me over in the parking lot. I know you’re thinking I’m being too dramatic. I’m tell you: I had never experienced this level of pain before!
No visitors because of Covid 19
As mentioned, nobody could come visit me because of the Coronavirus restrictions. Technically, I think I could have had a visitor, but I told everybody that given Covid 19 it really wasn’t worth it…
One interesting side note that surprised me is I wasn’t required to wear a mask. Everyone that worked there—nurses, doctors, et. al.—all wore masks.
I thought to myself, “Hell of a time for a major surgery…in the middle of a major pandemic.” But, I didn’t have much say in that matter!
Day 2 I was in a haze. I didn’t realize it at the time, but now I know that I was becoming a bit disoriented. That would get worse in the coming days!
In-and-out of conscious awareness – general BRAIN FOG!
People came in and out of the room. I slipped in-and-out. I thought about trying to get out of bed. I couldn’t do it. I thought about asking for my phone. I didn’t care.
My brain was so foggy. And, as I said above, I just didn’t care. I wasn’t hungry. I was constipated, but didn’t quite realize it. I was in a painful haze.
I had no idea it would be this bad!
I thought: I had no idea it would be this bad! I just didn’t know the pain would be this tremendous! The pain! The pain! The Goddamn all-encompassing pain is everywhere! How is that!?
Before the surgery, I had crazy pain, but it was basically focused in my lumbar and abdomen. I had sort of adapted to it psychologically. I wasn’t adapted to this type of pain because…it was everywhere!
My belly incision burned. My legs hurt, too! I wondered: Why do even my legs hurt so bad?! Why do my Goddamn legs hurt so bad? My legs weren’t operated on, man! Why do my hands hurt? And, should my back still hurt? Did the surgery go wrong? I mean, my back hurts worse than before!
And, I slipped out of consciousness.
So much for horrific Day 2.